That's it?

When I heard that Sergio Ramos was photographed in a disco on his off day partying with a Swedish fan, I expected something far more scandalous than this. No wonder Aragones laughed.

The Magnificent Dutch

All neutrals must surely rejoice at Holland's magnificent dismembering of France at Euro 2008 today. It wasn't just the victory of a superior team, it was the triumph of a brand of optimistic, swashbuckling attacking football that has largely fallen out of favor among the so-called elite teams.

There's nothing wrong per se with playing defensive football. Sometimes you're up against a superior team. Sometimes you need to keep it congested at the middle for tacticv. It happens. But when you are A) the manager of a skilled, top team, and B) you always play that way, there's a problem.

The reasons why a top team would choose to play that way against even lesser opponents have to do with the stakes involved. At the club level, the huge money of the Champions League encourages certain teams to take this approach. In England, the leading proponent of this kind of game is Rafa Benitez's Liverpool. This is a team with Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel, Steven Gerrard, and enough talent to really light up the pitch. Instead, Benitez's Liverpool play an defensive safety-first style, the principle being is that they can beat the lower and middle teams 1-0 and 2-0, and draw the others in the big four. That way you can keep getting Champions League football, and hope for a great run as they got in 2005. It's an awful philosophy.

But far worse than Benitez is France's Raymond Domenech. Even against weak opponents, Domenech's France play one striker, two very conservative defensive midfielders and fullbacks who limit their attacking forays. It got them in huge trouble against Scotland in the qualifiers, it got them an utterly turgid 0-0 draw with Romania, and, thank god, it got them absolutely clobbered today.

But it did get them to the World Cup finals two years ago. There were two reasons why that team is more effective than this team: Zidane and Vieira. Zidane's creativity and ability to hold the ball meant that the three other attackers got far better service than they are getting this year. And Vieira as a holding mid meant that if France did need to get a goal, he could go forward with effectiveness. But even this French team weren't always attractive to watch.

This French team doesn't have Vieira or Zidane. And its attacking has been turgid. Against the Dutch, they weren't helped by the bizarro substitutions. Gomis for Malouda? Where was Benzema? Where was Nasri? And why would you continue to play two holding midfielders when neither of them can attack, when they both have yellow cards, and when goal difference doesn't even matter for chrissake?

The only answer I can think of to that question is careerism. Coaches who play this philosophy never really get thumped and generally get a decent-ish win-loss ratio, meaning that when the end inevitably comes, they can get another job. Mild failure isn't a disqualifier for a coaching position, but abject failure is.

And the frustrating thing is that the French could be playing this game. They have players who can play the kind of game the Dutch played today. They used to play that way.

So in summary, it's good for the game that Domenechism met its Waterloo today against a Dutch squad who scored exquisite goals and were beautiful to watch. It was a triumph of daring and optimistic joy over craven caution and careerism. Exhilarating.

They showed the opening ceremonies!

Cows on stilts! Swiss milkmaids with glitter on them! A gigantic moving human clock! "Tradition meets modernity," argued part-time art critic Derek Rae and who am I to argue?

(I'm not being snarky. I really enjoy opening ceremonies.)

Switzerland & Austria: Two Countries for Old Men

The premise of this article is Euro 2008 seems to have more old (meaning, over 33 or so) players than is typical for a major tournament. I can't be bothered to look at the average age stats that indicate whether or not this is true, but I wonder if this will be a trend rather than an aberration. Fitness regimens and diets have been very strictly controlled by the clubs for about fifteen years now--about when many of these players started their careers--and many of these teams are increasingly savvy about managing their older players.

That said, none of that lot have anything on this guy.

Cannavaro out of Euro 08

Italy were my pre-tournament favorite, but this is not good news. Cannavaro was titanic for this team in 06. Now Italy faces the prospect of having Marco Materazzi anchoring the center of their defense. Oy.

Hey this blogging thing is fun! I should try it more often.

Plastic People of the Universe.

One off the key games tomorrow is England's trip to Russia. In a display of gamesmanship, the Russian federation has decided to play the match on a plastic artificial field in Moscow, the effect of which has been to send the English press into something of a tizzy. My guess is that will make exactly zero difference to the result, as the English game is based upon speed and flank play rather than precision play through midfield. It means Paul Robinson will have to be sharp and pay attention to wayward bounces, not that he has a chequered past with regard to such matters or anything.

Meanwhile John Terry was pronounced fit only to be hilariously ruled out of the match a few hours later. It happened so fast that the Guardian still hasn't adjusted the header of their web page to correspond with the news.

Some other games of note:

Kazakhstan vs. Portugal. The Portuguese normally travel less well than leftover French fries, but they did well enough against Azerbaijan last weekend. Now they go even deeper into the former Soviet bloc. I'll be routing against the Kazakhs on my usual grounds: viz. Kazakhstan is not in Europe and shouldn't even be in this competition.

Georgia vs Scotland. Not elementary for the Scots, since they are playing away and missing many key players though injury. A win puts them in a gilt edged position for their final game, so really they must attack the Georgians here.

Turkey vs. Greece. These countries love each other! A Greek victory all but seals the deal on their qualification but they'll have to do it in front of 90,000 Turks.

Sweden vs Northern Ireland. The Irish started out brilliantly, but faded down the stretch somewhat. They pretty much need to win in Sweden to keep their hopes alive.

Great sporting events of our time,

So it's a different world than it used to be. When I wanted coverage of European football in the 80s and early 90s, I used to have to rely on my grandfather, who, from his base in Cardiff, would send me copies of the Daily Express. Now I can read the internet and watch matches live on TV, the latter thanks to one of the more benign tentacles of the Rupert Murdoch empire: Fox Soccer Channel.

But when it comes to international soccer, FSC are so frustrating. Take tomorrow's European qualifiers for instance. They are doing live broadcasts of France vs the Faeroe Islands and Sweden vs. Liechtenstein. Their tape delay broadcast is Slovenia vs. Albania, both of whom are eliminated. Is it too much to ask for them to show a game that's both competitive and relevant? I mean, I like Liechtenstein as much as the next guy (okay, probably way more), and there once was that too funny time they drew Portugal, but really... this just isn't worth it. The good games are either on pay per view or not on at all.

And France vs. the Faeroes probably won't happen anyway, because there's a snowstorm or something in the islands. I'd like to believe that Domenech would screw up this game with his needlessly defensive formation just as he did against Scotland, but they'll probably just get a workmanlike 2-0 win if the plane lands.

I'm more likely to turn to Gol TV, where the South American 2010 World Cup qualifiers get underway. Yes, it is still 2007. I think. Anyway, Bolivia vs. Uruguay should have the intensity that the FSC games are lacking.